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When a child is overprotected…

I read a few weeks ago that a "98-year-old mother entered a nursing home to care for her 80-year-old son." This news was published with almost the same text on several news websites and I am quoting it verbatim from one of the publications (the source here)

They say that a mother's love for her children, and especially her concern for them, does not change no matter how many years pass, even when they have spread their wings and, in theory, are more able to take care of their own their parents rather than the opposite.

However, 98-year-old Ada Keating, a breath before turning a century of life, moved to a nursing home, not to receive care herself but to take care of her 80-year-old son, who was already living there.

As the Independent newspaper explains, mother and son live together for life, as the man never married.

In 2016, he was moved to a nursing home in Liverpool because he needed care and support in his daily life, and a year later his mother followed him to help care for her son!

"I say goodnight to Tom in his room every night, and the next day I come in and say good morning," the 98-year-old told a local newspaper. "When I come back he always opens his arms and gives me a big hug... You never stop being a mom."

The 80-year-old, who is a painter and decorator, says he is happy to have his mother in the nursing home. "They take good care of me and I'm happy to see my mother, now that she lives here," he says.

The director of the nursing home says that mother and son are inseparable. "It's very rare to see mothers and their children in the same nursing home and we definitely want to make the time they spend together as special as possible."

Reading it over and over again brings me different thoughts. This story from one perspective is indicative of it inexhaustibleand selfless motherly love, which a mother nurtures for her child. A mother's love is perhaps the most shocking and lasting feeling that a woman can feel in her life. Just a mother it is very important to know that her love needs to change form as the child grows.

The next thought, and my personal belief, is that men, brought up with excessive care by their mothers, find it difficult to cope with life's trials, when she is not there. In many cases, mothers in their efforts to protect their children end up going too far, resulting in problems that "come out" into their children's adult lives.

For a man to not marry until he's 80 and want to hold his mother's hand and wait for her to turn around to hug her, something has gone wrong. Many times mothers, in their efforts to meet the needs of certainty, significance and connection, create the conditions for their children's attachment to them. This results in children, in their adult lives, finding it difficult to form meaningful relationships believing that true love is only between the mother-child relationship, not trusting people, not forming friendships easily and not making decisions on their own.

How many young men and women today, in the name of the crisis that offers an excellent excuse, continue to live with their parents until their 30s, 35s, even 40s? This insistence of the children to stay at home has not only to do with their own needs and desires but also with those of the parents. Much has been written and said about the "Greek mother", with the highlights being: "don't forget to take a cardigan" and "call me as soon as you arrive". Many times, of course, humor is used to hide the truth well.

What is certain is how when you become a parent, your life changes completely. You stop thinking about yourself, your well-being and you have a responsibility for a little person who expects you to love him and be an example for him to walk well in his life.

There is a quote by Wilhelm Bush "It's easy to be a parent, but it's hard to be a parent" that captures the concern of being not a perfect, but a good parent. Besides perfect parents don't exist such as there are no perfect children and this is something we need to keep in mind. Life is a wonderful journey and being a parent is one of the most enjoyable parts of that journey. Parenting is a developmental process involving parent and child that never ends.

From a child's age onwards, we as parents need to relinquish control, not because we are 'weak', but because we realize that we are involved in the wrong game. It is good to leave the steering wheel of his life to the child because otherwise we are led elsewhere from where we want to go.

With this awareness we can to enjoy the wonderful gift of parenthood!


The article was published in the blog "for discussion" on Make up my mind:

When a child is overprotected…